Et in Arcadia ego

For some odd reason I’m feeling decidedly unapologetic about nearly everything lately.  I seem to be walking around with a chip upon my shoulder, daring providence to touch it. Maybe it’s just the unauthorized med change but lately I feel the sort of fearlessness that I used to feel in youth. I had an inkling [...]

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Odd Auditory Hallucination

I had an unusual auditory hallucination today.  I thought I heard my mother, several states away, calling my name. It took me aback because I had been doing so well with keeping touch with reality, or at least my little version of it.  I’m beginning to wonder just what percentage of life is “real” [...]

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School’s Open

I’m so glad to be in school once again. Structure is comforting.  Though now I’m a little worried over a digital photography class I have taken. I was hoping it would be a breeze, but it turns out to be more work and far more reading than I can comfortably do.  My only consolation [...]

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Waiting for School

I’ve been having a reasonably decent time of things lately. Mental health-wise I’m reasonably stable, except for a touch of hypochondria which I’ve yet to shake,  My car has received an automatic pass of the dreaded emission standards test due to a maintenance problem with the testing facility . The pass is for two [...]

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Manic Monday

I’ve had great luck on the social networking site for people with schizophrenia, bipolar, schizoaffective and related mental illnesses.  My online “special friend” is a 28-year old schizophrenic Dutch girl.  We converse at about 2:00 each day, which is for her 8:00.  It’s fun and interesting.  She really likes me and I her, so I [...]

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School’s Out

Here’s a scene I painted of a visual snapshot from last year’s county fair. A guy, a girl, cotton candy, an old truck in the background. It’s like Norman Rockwell-the way life ought to be but isn’t.
 Last days of classes this week.  I feel such a keen sense of relief that I’m not sure if [...]

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Bring Me the Summer of My Youth

I’m ready for summer. I need the heat- I’ve become so tired of the cold and dampness.  I want to see sunflowers again- those big ones that seem so life-affirming. I am doing more writing -creative writing- and am going to start sending things out soon, once I’m finished with five of my short stories.  [...]

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I Feel Like Having a Drink

I can’t though.  Sadly, drinking, with the meds I’m on, is now a part of my past.  I do occasionally see some loner like myself walking home after closing time if I’m up and wandering around the great metropolis of Frederick in the wee hours. (Hell, I’m crazy-who would mug me?)  Yeah, Klonopin and Geodon [...]

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Psych Ward

 I haven’t talked much about my hospital stay earlier last year except in some oblique references to some changes in my medications and just saying I was “institutionalized” for a stint. During my stay from April until June I not only got to go to the psych ward during my psychotic episode, but also be treated for a [...]

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Rainy Day

I saw this fellow walking the other evening with two bags of groceries (he tastefully chose paper) tucked firmly under each arm, just walking, unheeding of the rain or the traffic or of me or any other pedestrian. Eyes just fixed on nothing, in a vacant stare that seemed to be the embodiment of near-total aloofness, face emotionless. [...]

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