Et in Arcadia ego

For some odd reason I’m feeling decidedly unapologetic about nearly everything lately.  I seem to be walking around with a chip upon my shoulder, daring providence to touch it. Maybe it’s just the unauthorized med change but lately I feel the sort of fearlessness that I used to feel in youth. I had an inkling [...]

Read Full Post »

A Great Day with My Little Man

Spent a great Sunday with my little guy today.  It seems to have made up for a lot of the bad feelings I’ve been having toward his mother. We spent most of the day at a bookstore, reading him all of the new Halloween offerings.  He loves to be read to. I think we [...]

Read Full Post »

Looking at the World Differently

This fall is just getting more and more confusing and unsettled. I am beginning to realize just how foolishly blind I have been to the ways of the world.  This mainly is because of my apparent myopia to the treachery of my ex wife.  Just what the hell was I thinking buying her flowers and [...]

Read Full Post »

Narrowly Escaping the Blues

I did this portrait of Clifford Brown a little while ago.  I never get tired of painting with a palette knife- no brushes to wash!  I’m in a jazz/ blues sort of mood with the changing of the guard from summer to fall. I want to be in love.  I associate the fall with long [...]

Read Full Post »

Waiting for School

I’ve been having a reasonably decent time of things lately. Mental health-wise I’m reasonably stable, except for a touch of hypochondria which I’ve yet to shake,  My car has received an automatic pass of the dreaded emission standards test due to a maintenance problem with the testing facility . The pass is for two [...]

Read Full Post »

I Feel Like Having a Drink

I can’t though.  Sadly, drinking, with the meds I’m on, is now a part of my past.  I do occasionally see some loner like myself walking home after closing time if I’m up and wandering around the great metropolis of Frederick in the wee hours. (Hell, I’m crazy-who would mug me?)  Yeah, Klonopin and Geodon [...]

Read Full Post »

Psych Ward

 I haven’t talked much about my hospital stay earlier last year except in some oblique references to some changes in my medications and just saying I was “institutionalized” for a stint. During my stay from April until June I not only got to go to the psych ward during my psychotic episode, but also be treated for a [...]

Read Full Post »

Rainy Day

I saw this fellow walking the other evening with two bags of groceries (he tastefully chose paper) tucked firmly under each arm, just walking, unheeding of the rain or the traffic or of me or any other pedestrian. Eyes just fixed on nothing, in a vacant stare that seemed to be the embodiment of near-total aloofness, face emotionless. [...]

Read Full Post »

Upstate

 There are certain inalienable elements of our ego that go right to our core; things that must be acknowledged and defined oftentimes by dint of severe effort.  The book Upstate for me is just that; the kind of integral feature of one’s sense of self that without it you would cease to be defined at all.  I’ve been captivated [...]

Read Full Post »

Nearly Killed

I stepped off the curb today and was almost killed by a garbage truck. (A fitting end in my opinion- I never look at crossing signs or for oncoming cars) Thank God or someone for Westinghouse air brakes, because I was really almost toast. And the sad fact is that I can’t say that I [...]

Read Full Post »