Winter Ritual

I made this oil sketch of a lonely but colorful little tree I saw in the middle of a dark area yesterday- a metaphor for the season for some of us; lux in tenebris - light in the heart of darkness. I am often left in wonder of the human animal and their singular attachments of meaning to symbols.  I think symbols are most potent when they are left to our individual interpretations, it removes the possibility of things being lost in translation . I must confess to liking all the symbols of the season. In spite of my views on unbridled consumerism, I feel a certain comfort in the sight of brightly wrapped boxes-it’s something bred into us I think, as Americans.  We need symbols; they help us to evoke a greater sense of purpose. I always feel possessed of a greater need for sentiment and emotion at this time of year.  This manifests itself in a variety of ways; the most prominent in my mind being the yearly screening of Doctor Zhivago in the days leading up to Christmas.  Usually the cold outdoors sets the tone for the film, and it always ends very emotionally; usually with my crying at the story’s end and a feeling of warmth that Yevgraf, the general who is Zhivago’s half-brother, is in search of his niece for no other reason than to help her and to have a family of some kind. It is all sweet and powerful and (like the book) full of the wrenching decisions and emotional turmoil that make up most of the elements of fate and love and truth for those of us who lead complex lives. I pity those with simple lives. In spite of my illness and the limitations it forces upon my life, I wouldn’t trade it for that of the self-satisfied suburban middle manager with his twenty years’ uninterrupted employment and his more or less happy uninterrupted twenty-year marriage.  Like Zhivago there have been severe ups and severe downs and heartbreaking decisions, periods of bliss and periods of suffering; some of which eat away at the body and the soul in equal measure.  And each time I view it, every year as I dry my eyes, I’m forced to say to myself “Hm- You’ve made it through another year.”.