REMOVING THE STIGMA – J. C. Larkin’s Blog – Chronicles of Bipolar Man – This is an ongoing account of the messy goings-on of an exurban man with a severe form of bipolar disorder disorder. These include my struggles with career, mental health and manifold relationships, divorces, and adventures in child-parent dynamics. I hope to give those who read a better understanding of the nature of the illness that is bipolar/schizoaffective disorder. I hope I might shed some light into the dark areas of ignorance concerning this disease and in so doing, help to remove a little bit of the stigma surrounding it.
Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adults in the United States, the median age of onset is 25 years of age, or, as in my case, onset can occur as late as the 30s to 50s. It affects men and women equally and is found in all races, ethnic groups and social classes. Like diabetes or high blood pressure, bipolar disorder is a disease which requires lifelong care and supervision. I have chosen not to do this blog using a pseudonym and hide behind the convenient (and somewhat cowardly) veil of internet anonymity largely to illustrate that people who are decently schooled, well read, reasonably intelligent- I’m a published author who speaks and reads two languages- can be afflicted with this disease and more or less hope to successfully manage it. Bipolar disorder is certainly not just for the homeless and the”crazy” or an “affectation” of attention-hungry celebrities; it is a real physiological illness which affects the life of the sufferer in very tangible ways. Between 25% and 50% of those with bipolar disorder make at least one attempt at suicide. An appallingly large number of sufferers succeed in taking their own lives -around 20%- with another estimated 15% losing their lives to substance abuse, making it the psychiatric illness with the highest rate of mortality.
I am under constant psychiatric care and am on a sometimes frighteningly large number and amount of medications. My life is the messy patchwork of fractured relationships and irregular employment that is characteristic of mental illness. It is extraordinarily difficult to lead a “normal” and conventional life when it is all predicated and contingent upon one’s unpredictable day-to-day mental stability. The misunderstanding of my disorder can be felt in a myriad of ways. Socially, I feel forced in some ways to be withdrawn from friends and former friends who lack a thorough understanding of what the disease is and isn’t. In terms of employment- it interferes with every aspect of work- concentration, stamina and thought processing. I sincerely hope that in reading my posts you may gain some useful insights that may help to change your attitudes about the disease that I live with. Please leave me a message; I could use the connectivity.
Hello JC – I feel that we may be kindred spirits of sorts, trying to work through various severities of mental suffering and struggle, while trying to live life by means undervalued by society, that is, keeping ourselves integrated through various creative expressions.
Perhaps we would find value for ourselves in understanding each other. At first glance your blog gives me a sense that I can follow you as an example, a model for keeping hold of life’s fullness and the significance of the self.
We’ll see.
Please let me know if you would mind that I feature you on my blog in the future?
Have you ever had an art show? I think your paintings would make a fine exhibit – along with your posts in a sort of typographical art.
Please feel free to use my blog however you like- thank you for your praise-it’s appreciated.
Hi JC,
I think it is so brave of you to bare your soul out in the open like this. Reading through your entries instantly widened my perspective on mental disorders which are otherwise brushed aside and ignored in my culture. Thank you for sharing and inspiring!
Pauline
Stumbled across you through the wordpress tag “rapid cycling” and I just wanted to say Hi. Another sufferer here, although Type II and in the UK. I spend most of my life struggling with horrific suicidal depression and rarely experience the highs. Even when I do they are usually tinged with this nasty edge of impulsivity, irritation and agitation.