Here She Is

I’ve been alluding to my online relationship with a schizophrenic Dutch girl lately and just wanted to put a face to the name.  This is her. (Shouldn’t that be “This is she”?) I really do like her, but she scares the literal hell out of me, being so young (28!) and so severely mentally ill, not to mention so keen on me.  She really appears to be drawn to me, for whatever reason, and it’s kind of frightening in a pleasant way.  What am I going to do with her? Get re-married? I’m barely able to care for myself, much less take on the burdens of a severely schizophrenic significant other.  The tattoo is kind of interesting.  I think she’s bothered by her appearance, which is troubling, because beyond looking a bit depressed, she is a lovely girl, really.  In some ways I’d like to be able to take care of her, but I think it might just become a full-time occupation from the sound of it. Each week she goes to the hospital for an injection, and then during the week periodically for her “episodes”.  She is chronically depressed- a European type of depression- dark and all-encompassing. It all sounds singularly chaotic to me.  I hate to say it, but I kind of like my life the way it is, really; quiet, sedate, uncomplicated.  Wasn’t it Thoreau who urged us to “Simplify, simplify, simplify”?  I’d take his homegrown American advice over the dark, complex musings of a Nietzsche or any other Continental rabble any day.   The truth is, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship- long-distance or local, and I’m just beginning to realize this.   In other news, my 17 year old daughter goes in for an assessment for depression this coming week. She’s been acting morose and withdrawn and has been purging after binging on cakes and chips. Cross your fingers that I haven’t given an unwelcome present to the next generation.