Here’s a scene I painted of a visual snapshot from last year’s county fair. A guy, a girl, cotton candy, an old truck in the background. It’s like Norman Rockwell-the way life ought to be but isn’t.
Last days of classes this week. I feel such a keen sense of relief that I’m not sure if I’m altogether sorry to see the semester end. The last projects that were due were very taxing and I just barely made it. I’ve been keeping a very casual eye on my grades as they’ve accumulated and I’m counting on either As or very high Bs in my courses. I’ve worked hard this semester and am going to enjoy the course in drawing that I’ve picked out for the summer five-week program. As far as my spirits go, I’m relieved on the one hand, let down in a strange way in another. I’m beginning to come to the realization that I do need my optional third antidepressant dose each day to sort of frighten away the black shadows I’ve been feeling lately. They’re just too overwhelming without the extra little chemical boost of Wellbutrin.
I’ve resolved that I’m going to try to resurrect the word “jive”. It’s primarily a noun (but it can also be used as an adjective) that was strongly favored by the African American community as well as the incredibly hip (like myself ) in the 1970’s. It connotes a person, place or thing of dubious import. Used in a sentence one could say in frustration; “Man, this is such jive!”, or as an adjective: ”This is such a jive business!” (Or a jive movie or jive rule) Sometimes you could just say: “This is total jive!” It’s such a cool word, I just hate to see it die. Jive is how I feel right now-lots of things- my independent study of a number of subjects, which is going slowly, my supervised visits with Ben… my rocky relationship to my adult daughter…lots of things in my life are just plain jive. I won in court against my ex-wife, so I should be glad, but I somehow feel empty. The weather is beautiful, but I feel too exposed studying out on the porch. The world just seems too large and it overwhelms me, so I’m almost missing the winter- it’s a place where you have a convenient excuse to stay in and cloister yourself away.
I hear ya! First on the world being way too big for me right now, I feel swallowed up just stepping out to the school bus stop and half way run after the bus shows up just to get back to my smallness and then secondly Jive is the best word! I’m going to go with you on this and try and use it once a day. LOL!
Thanks Bats for helping keep jive alive!