There is something about kissing in the shrill air of the January winds that somehow makes it more poignant, more crisp. You can somehow feel it more fully and feel what it conveys more deeply. Is it as meaningful as all that for “normal” people? In some selfish way I hope not-I hope it’s one of the few perks- the enhanced power to observe and appreciate the more subtle things in life that I like to imagine my illness affords me. It’s probably just a little self- deception but I’ll go with it for now; it makes me feel a little more distinction than it just being a series of delusions of an unsound mind. I’m lately feeling not so bad, though with school beginning and with me attending my certification classes from 8 am to 12 pm (the time I usually rise) I’m a little worried about getting to class consistently on time, but so far I’ve managed it. With all the havoc that Geodon and Klonopin wreak with your sleep pattern, I’m surprised not to be a zombie at eight.
I feel like a zombie until about one o’ clock even on some ”good” days. It’s amazing the impact that these meds have on your body- it’s hard to convey just how they how they affect you unless you were to take them yourself. Be my guest. It’s no damn picnic, that’s for sure. I sometimes feel so tired (wrecked actually) at the wrong times of day and get so damned frustrated with my body that it brings you to the point of distraction and complete frustration. I’ve been searching for a better way of managing my symptoms and hopefully have found something of value. I don’t mean by that electroconvulsive therapy- that is just plain bizarre-something so strangely mideaval-sounding that it seems like something drempt up by the Nazis. (And you can see it did so much for Hemingway and Sylvia Plath)
I have been taking Omega 3,6 & 9 capsules the past few weeks and think they and magnesium tablets are really helping me as I slowly wean off the Geodon. I’ve gone from a dose of 160 to 40 mgs with no noticeable difference. In fact, my energy is actually a little better during the day. I feel strangely like I’m straying onto a terra incognita;a place I’ve never been: very nearly “normal”, or at least the phantom whispers of it.
Believe it or not, some moron of a pediatrician put my 13 year old stepson on that shit. Both of those drugs, actually. All on just what his mother “reported.” Not that he actually observed the symptoms himself. If it makes you feel that badly, just imagine what it did to him! His mother’s just about worthless. She pretty much just wants to be able to sleep and not worry with him at all, and figures if he’s doped up, he won’t be bothering her and needing things like, I don’t know, discipline, maybe? Dude, I’ve said before that I love your work. I think you’re very talented. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s observed the side effects of those drugs.